Every moment of your life, you are behaving. But what does that really mean? It's not just about what you do. According to Dr. William Glasser, all behavior is Total Behavior. This means every action is a package deal, made up of four inseparable components working together.

These four components are:

1. Acting: The things you do, like walking, talking, or typing.
2. Thinking: Your thoughts, beliefs, and self-talk.
3. Feeling: Your emotions, from happiness and excitement to anger and sadness.
4. Physiology: Your body's automatic responses, like your heart rate, breathing, sweating, or stomach butterflies.

Here’s the key insight: while all four components are interconnected, you don't have equal control over all of them. It's nearly impossible to directly change your feelings or your body's physiological responses on command. Try to just feel happy, or tell your heart to stop pounding when you're nervous. It doesn't work very well.

However, you have direct control over the front two wheels of your behavioral car: your acting and thinking.

Because all four components are linked, when you consciously change your actions and thoughts, your feelings and physiology must follow. If you steer the front wheels, the back wheels will come along for the ride.

Let's see how this works in a real-world scenario. Say you feel anxious about an upcoming presentation at work. The feeling is anxiety, and the physiology might be a racing heart and sweaty palms. You can't just switch those off.

But you can change your acting and thinking. Instead of pacing around (an action driven by anxiety), you can choose a different action: sit down and organize your notes. Instead of thinking, "I'm going to mess this up," you can change your thoughts to, "I am well-prepared and I know this material."

By taking control of your actions (organizing) and thoughts (positive self-talk), you indirectly influence your feelings and physiology. Your anxiety may lessen, and your heart rate might slow down. You didn't fight the anxiety directly; you steered your behavior in a more productive direction, and the anxiety subsided as a result.

This principle applies everywhere. When you're feeling down, forcing a smile and standing up straight (acting) can genuinely lift your mood. When you're frustrated with a problem, focusing your thoughts on possible solutions instead of the obstacle itself can reduce stress.

By understanding Total Behavior, you gain a powerful tool. You learn to stop wrestling with your feelings and instead focus on what you can control: your actions and your thoughts. This is the foundation of making conscious choices that lead to a more fulfilling life.

Ready to check your understanding?

Recognizing that your actions and thoughts are the steering wheel for your overall well-being is a fundamental step in taking control of your life.